Over the past few months I have been given an excellent illustration of the phrase, "Everything's relative". For the majority of my life I have lived in Northwestern Pennsylvania. For those from the eastern part of the state, I am not referring to Pittsburgh. NW Pennsylvania is only a distant cousin to Pittsburgh despite everyone’s best attempts to be like minded. I am from Erie. In terms of winter weather I would liken it to the Arctic Tundra or Buffalo.
Now let me explain what happens when a foot of snow falls in Erie. Well, everything happens. Work happens, school happens, shopping happens (in the very same way it always does, grocery stores aren’t suddenly sold out of milk and bread), dance lessons happen and basketball games happen.
What happens in Central PA when it snows (and notice I didn’t even refer to a specific amount of snow). Well, I’m not sure things still happen because from my limited experience mostly they don’t.
A foot of snow here means something much different than the same foot of snow in NW PA. Same snow, different response.
So what? Well it got me thinking about the phrase “everything’s relative”. How do we set our expectations? How do we determine what is normal or adequate or exceptional? I decided that in respect for 2 hour delays that I would have never known to occur before, I will work more on testing my “known truths”.
I would like to suggest that the next time you are faced with a situation where you are questioning someone’s response or reaction, take a step back and ask yourself how they might see the situation differently before jumping to a conclusion about their behavior or emotional response.
So whether a foot of snow makes you stay indoors or just leave 5 minutes earlier for work – I am happy to say that I now appreciate what makes you do what you do. Either way though it would be great if we could be done with the winter wonderland……
This question is the traditional greeting that members of the Masai tribe in Africa use each time they meet. Instead of a greeting with a reference to themselves, they instead ask, how are the children? Starting off a new year, a new decade - What if this was the one question we wanted to be sure we asked of each other.
Would you think about children in your immediate family? Would you think about children in your extended family? Would you think about children in your community, county, state, country or across the world? And how would you answer?
Those that work with and advocate for children could probably give you many different anecdotal and research driven answers to that question. But I think although the answer is important, asking the question is equally as important. We need more people to want to know about the children. We need to expect that everyone should care about their well being. And we should be able to expect that we not only care about them but that we all want the answer to be, “the children are doing well.”
We are already beginning the second month of the new year, the new decade – we have so much going on around us and so many ways to get information. We have the ability to have all the answers and everyone’s opinions at our finger tips to any question we can think of…..but of all the questions we will ask, what is it that we must know in order to truly make a difference in this decade and for years to come. I ask you, how ARE the children?
Over the holidays I asked my two young children what they remembered most about 2009........so what do you think they mentioned? Maybe our successful move across the state? Making friends at a new school perhaps? Mommy's new job? Daddy's new job? Passing to the next level at swim lessons? Nope. What they recalled, at that moment, was not what happened, but instead what didn't happened. We still don't have a dog. That's what they remembered about 2009 - we said we were going to get a dog and yet at the end of the year...no dog.
As I was about to begin the "be happy for what you have lecture" I realized that this is not just an issue of "wanting" with which my children struggle. Of all the things that have happened in my personal and professional life in 2009, I also tend to focus on what I have not yet accomplished. ....the things that remain on the to-do list.....the items or activities that would be completed if there were only another hour in the day or day in the week or week in the year.
I am going to start this year with a different mindset. My self-reflection will now include the things I have checked off the lists, the improvements and progress that has been made and I will allow myself some time for celebrating the victories.
If I may include my work along with all of yours, I would like to suggest that as an example, we should all take time to acknowledge the amazing effort that has been made to improve programs serving children and families across our state. Sure we have a long way to go and there were stumbling blocks in 2009 that took some of us a couple steps back, but when you really think about it, Wow. I bet there are many kids that would say we have done more than we allow ourselves to remember and many lives we don't even realized we touched.
I am excited about the possibilities of 2010, the new dreams, the new ideas and all of the yet undiscovered. As I push myself and our organization to reach new heights I am going to make sure that my to-do list each day includes "respect what you have done today and give yourself some credit". So how about it, will you take some time to improve on your credit in 2010?
I, for one, have more things than I can count for which I am thankful. Throughout my life I have also had equally as many things for which I would prefer not to blog about. As I thought this past week about the life I live and how I got to this place, I realized that I am as thankful for the struggles and challenges as I am for everything wonderful.
We are who we are because of what we have been taught, the people that been a part of our lives and what we have endured. Sometimes we are who we are in spite of those things but either way the good and the not so good have brought us to today.
I hope today is a good day for you. If is it not, then my hope is that you will do something to change that. Despite our ability to make mistakes and poor decisions we also have the ability to make a difference, a difference for ourselves and for others.
Adjust your mindset. Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed of what’s not so perfect in your life. Don’t hide behind your fears or past problems. Embrace what is yours, what has made you who you are and if there is something that you need to work on – then work on it.
Don’t be afraid of your dirty laundry. Go get some detergent and clean it up.
I must admit that this is my very first blog entry, ever. I am thrilled that it is for our new website and will hopefully give you another opportunity to communicate with me, other AEYC members and those passionate about building a better future for our children and stregthening the families that live across our Commonwealth.
Unfortunately the hot topic is still the absence of a state budget here in PA and the turmoil it is causing in the lives of many Pennsylvania families. What can you do when you feel powerless and ignored? Although it may feel like there is nothing you can do, let me suggest that you share your story, either for the first time or again for the tenth time. I have heard amazing tales of how individuals and organizations are holding on through the budget crisis and how communities have come together to give in this time of need.
People are volunteering, donating and complete strangers are walking in off the street to pay the rent to keep our child care doors open, keep children safe and keep families working.
Who has helped you or someone you know? How have you been able to keep going? We want to know about your children, your families, your staff and what you have done to continue to fight against all odds.
I have great admiration for you and the work you do everyday on a "normal" day. I want you to know that you have a community of advocates that takes "to the Hill" everyday to keep your story fresh in the minds of those determining our state's priorities. We are committed to have a child's face be the first and last thing they see in their minds everyday. We want them to know that although they have put us in a terrible situation, that we are more than the tears and pain and struggle. And we will endure this time and every time because we fight for our children, our families and our future.